No. I'm not joking. I feel a full blown panic attack coming on! Today I went down to the school to purchase my textbooks for the Nursing program. There was a really nice man in the bookstore that helped me find all my books. As he was loading book after book onto the cart I asked him "So are these all the books I need for the WHOLE Nursing Program?" He just gave me a smile and a look of pity and explained that these were the books for Block 1 and that there were other books for Blocks 2,3 and 4. I could feel myself starting to sweat and my hands started to shake. I played it cool like...no big deal. I can read all these humongous books and comprehend all the concepts in four months. No sweat. He had to walk me out to the car with the cart because they were SO heavy. How am I supposed to get them all to class? I'm going to have to load them into a rolling suitcase to get from the car to the classroom! I'm losing it today. I don't know what the heck I am doing! Why am I putting myself through this?! It seemed like a good idea at the time...years ago when I decided to become a nurse! Now I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and STRESSED! I have total guilt...I just spent $800 on BOOKS! For the FIRST semester! Not to mention all the other money that has gone into this dream of mine....let's see...there was this semesters tuition...$950...I had to get CPR certified...$25...I had to get fingerprinted...$80..I had to have a complete physical and immunizations and drug tested...about $500...I had to buy a Nurse Pack (gloves, syringes, ect.)...$80...I had to by the uniform (which included these ugly white clog shoes!)...$250...I had to take an exam to just APPLY to the program...$25...and then there all all the pre-requisite classes and books that I have had to pay for over the years...I don't even know how much was spent but it was thousands! Especially since they kept changing the pre-req requirements. And I still have to pay for the next three semesters too! GUILT! Especially because Gage needs braces and we could be saving for missions and college educations and adding on to our house (which is SO needed). I wonder if I am doing the right thing here. Or am I being completely selfish. My kids are still little and I'm going to be taking my focus off them and turning it onto getting through with school. Avery has been begging me for months to put her in dance classes but I've been putting her off...I'm not going to have time!!! What kind of mother is that for ya!? When I was driving home from the bookstore I had to call Joey who calmed me down and reminded me to look at the big picture. Thank goodness he has faith in me and thinks I'm "the smartest person he knows." Cause I glanced through some of the books and am feeling pretty stupid right about now. He fully supports this or else there is no way I could do it. Plus I've got great family and friends willing to help out and babysit and run kids around to different activities and whatnot. Sheesh. I don't know why I'm whining.. But I feel better for venting!
9 comments:
Ok! You better stop all that talk right now!!!!!! You can do this, I know you can! I totally understand all the thoughts about taking care of your family and the guilt. Imagine how we've felt for the past SIX years! Taking away the only income we had and relying on faith and a whole lot of prayers to make ends meet. Scary! But, now it's over and we're already reaping the benefits. Your family will do great! It pulls you together when everybody has to work as a team. When it's all over you will be so glad you did it and your family and friends will be so proud of you! I know your going to be the Best nurse and how can you deprive the world of that!:) I will always be here to support you and help whenever or wherever you need. Hang in there! Love ya! BFF
THANK YOU! Okay...I needed that pep talk! I don't know how you guys did it for so long! It's amazing to me. I know it will be worth it. Whats a few measly years, right?
Just think by the time you're done with school, that stack of books will be as tall as Gage. Don't worry about it, I'll be a surrogate mom to your kids while you are away for the next few years. They all love their Tia anyway.
Don't worry- Delly called me Momma for a long time, I'm sure she could get back into that habit, I KNOW you secretly love those white clogs- you can't fool me!
I'm not gonna deny that the white clogs are quite comfy. You caught me.I secretly like them. I feel like a real nurse when I wear them...
Ok, it sounds like you've taken an incredibly needed deep breath. Maybe take a few more. That's quite a stack of books. I'm rather impressed. Just think of how proud your kids are going to be of you when you are done and you accomplished your goal. What a great example you are to them learning and growing is always important no matter how old you are or where you are in life. Also you know that Drey and Avery are welcome to come over anytime. Gage and Adelle too but they probably wouldn't have as much fun.
WOW! the time will fly so fast. You just have to think about it as means to an end. I understand the stress. Reuben is starting school again next week. It will be a long 3-4 years but so worth it in the end
Congrats on starting school. I thought about it for a long time and always decided against it--for all the reasons you listed here-it'd be hard on ME, hard on the KIDS--and so on. Now I'm newly divorced and going back to school full time! Talk about hard!!! I shoulda done it a long time ago!! I know how daunting it is, but it sounds like you have an amazing support system to see you through. (How's THAT for an unsolicited opinion from someone you barely know??!!)
(in response to your comments on my blog) First of all, I'm not so sure that after 20 years, I still qualify as one of Joey's friends!! But I can always use more, so why not?? Second, I don't think you're being selfish. Being able to take care of yourself is soooo important. You just never know where you're going to end up in life. Nursing is something you can use wherever you go. I think you're vewy VEWY thmart to do this!! You'll do great!!
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